Weekly Wisdom

By Kelly Pryde, Ph.D.

Steering Clear of “Zerrissenheit”

With the “let’s-get-rolling” energy of September upon us, it’s important not to fall into the state of what psychologist Williams James describes as “Zerrissenheit—torn-to-pieces-hood.” Too many of us set ourselves up for and live in this state of fragmentation with our feverish pursuit of activities and constant doing. It’s not good…for anybody.

With this idea of zerrissenheit in mind, set out to create a realistic calendar for yourself and your family this month. Sign your children up for only one activity rather than two or three; say no to a volunteer opportunity; put off a new project you’ve been thinking about starting; leave space in your life for quiet downtime. Create a life of “whole-person-hood” rather than zerrissenheit.

Dr. Kelly Pryde is a parenting and self-development expert and the founder of DreamKids. A speaker, author and mother of two, Kelly holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and offers today's Moms inspiring and practical ideas for living with more energy, inner wisdom, purpose, love and joy. You can visit Kelly on the web at http://www.DrKellyPryde.com

Stirring the Oatmeal

There are so many ways we can find extraordinary, joyful moments in the ordinary acts of our daily lives. This excerpt from Robert Johnson’s book entitled “We” is an excellent reminder of how we can find those moments…if we just take the time to notice them.

“Stirring the oatmeal” is a humble acts—not exciting or thrilling. But it symbolizes a relatedness that brings love down to earth. It represents a willingness to share ordinary human life, to find meaning in the simple, unromantic tasks: earning a living, living within a budget, putting out the garbage, feeding the baby in the middle of the night.”

It’s All Good

Life’s lessons can be disguised in many different ways.

Family and friends are valuable gifts.

Each day really does matter.

Letting go is not the same as surrendering.

It makes a difference to believe in a God.

Tolerance is good but acceptance is better.

It’s good to have moments when your faith is tested; 
it can only get stronger through exercise.

Having people in your life that you love unconditionally 
is necessary.

Giving back love is essential.

Generosity is a noble quality of a compassionate soul.

To be reminded of the things that really matter is good,
and to put aside the things that don’t is priceless.

The human heart has an unbelievable capacity to love.

In the dark and silence you are never alone.

It’s all good.

– lori eberhardy

Feel the Chaos and Embrace it Anyway

"I have a great belief in the fact that whenever there is chaos,
it creates wonderful thinking. I consider chaos a gift."
— SEPTIMA POINSETTE CLARK

For most of us, chaos and calamity in the family (I’m talking overflowing laundry baskets, bickering, overflowing diaper genies, “MOOOOM, Katie’s touching me!” “DAAAAD, Sam took my book,” “Are we there yet?” kind of chaos) is typically seen as stressful and taxing—it wears on our nerves and robs us of precious energy. And the more we experience it, the more negatively we respond to it. We think: “Make this go away,” “I can’t handle this,” and “I’m losing it here!” Often times our negative thinking is what takes us to the boiling point faster than the chaos around us.

Over the years I have learned that chaos really can be a gift if you change the way you think about it. It offers us and our children the opportunity to better our self-control and our ability to resolve conflict effectively and respectfully—two skills that are in dire need in our world today. It also offers us the opportunity to grow and connect as a family. When a family can move through chaos in a positive way, it enables each member to become more loving and accepting of one another.

When you can begin to view chaos and calamity in a more positive light, you move to a place where you can “feel the chaos and embrace it anyway.” Chaos starts to feel okay and you can actually smile to yourself and think: “I can handle this” and “This is being a family.”

Are you up for some chaos?!

Memo to Ego

To: EGO
From: YOU
Date: Today
Subject: Your Dismissal

Dear EGO,

It has come to our attention that your thoughts and actions are negatively impacting several aspects of this life. Specifically, it has been reported that you continuously breed worry, fear, guilt and doubt in your environment and that you have a tendency to judge everyone and everything around you. Additional reports show that you have a high degree of scepticism and fail to trust much of the information that is presented to you. Finally, your chronic complaining and attempts to convince us that we are “not good enough” and “never have enough,” is not doing anything for the morale around here.

Although you have been made aware of these issues on several occasions and have been given numerous opportunities to change, your need to be right at all costs and your refusal to let go of thoughts and behaviors that clearly do not work leaves me with little choice. You are hereby given notice that…

YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED!

Reclaiming the Feminine

Over the last several decades, there has been a growing tendency for women to be constantly focused outside of themselves—raising their children, tending their homes, managing relationships, growing careers. We always seem to be busy “doing.” While we have certainly accomplished much during this time, all of our doing has come at a cost: we have become very disconnected from our inner lives—our feelings, our intuition, our inner knowings, our feminine wisdom. This imbalance has led many of us to experience a chronic tiredness and discontent in our lives.

It’s time to reclaim and restore that feminine wisdom by slowing down, finding moments of solitude and tuning in to how we feel. You can begin to do this by journaling, taking quiet walks in nature, or engaging in creative arts such as music, painting, gardening, writing or photography. When you reconnect with that inner feminine wisdom, you begin to discover the woman you are meant to be and find a new level of joy and fulfillment in your life.

What I Learned From My Mother

by Julia Kasdorf

I learned from my mother how to love
the living, to have plenty of vases on hand
in case you have to rush to the hospital
with peonies cut from the lawn…to save jars
large enough to hold fruit salad for a whole
grieving household…
I learned to attend viewings even if I didn’t know
the deceased, to press the moist hands
of the living, to look in their eyes and offer
sympathy, as though I understood loss even then.
I learned that whatever we say means nothing,
what anyone will remember is that we came.
I learned to believe I had the power to ease
awful pains materially like an angel.
Like a doctor, I learned to create
from another’s suffering my own usefulness, and once
you know how to do this, you can never refuse.
To every house you enter, you must offer
healing: a chocolate cake you baked yourself,
the blessing of your voice, your chaste touch.

Source: Sleeping Preacher, University of Pittsburgh Press, 1992

This poem is such a wonderful reminder about what we have learned from our mothers—thoughtfulness, love, compassion, and nurturance. The women who came before us have taught us much about how to be a loving presence in the world. For me, this poem is also an important reminder to us newer Moms to pay attention to the legacy we are leaving our children—especially our daughters who will be the mothers that follow us. Amidst our busy, hectic lives saturated with TV, movies, magazines, video games, and iPods, are we taking the time to pass on the wisdom our children need to offer their loving presence to the world?

As we celebrate Mother’s Day this week, let’s take some time to ponder the legacy we are passing on to our own children. What do you want your children to learn from you?

Have a Little Faith

"We can have no certainty about what the future will be.It is not a good time for control freaks." — eric young

Remember when you were pregnant and for nine months you just waited patiently for nature to do its thing and grow your baby? Okay, so you ate healthy and got plenty of rest, but other than that you waited … and trusted. You trusted that nature would give your baby two eyes and a nose and ten little fingers, exactly where they’re supposed to be. This is faith—trusting in a force greater than yourself to handle life. The truth is that many aspects of our lives, and our children’s lives, are handled by that same force. Let go of the thought that you need to micro-manage and control all aspects of your life to make it work. Some things might not work out the way you think they should or in the timeframe you want, but they will turn out exactly the way they are meant to. More importantly, you’ll experience a whole new level of calm and joy in your life.

Say a Little Prayer

Life does not always go our way. And whether you're having a bad day, a bad week or just in a general funk, saying a prayer can go a long way in shifting yourself into a calmer, more peaceful state of being.

Now before you have flashbacks from childhood of being forced to recite learned prayers that made absolutely no sense, let me reassure you by saying that prayer does not have to be a formal, biblical event. It really can be anything you want it to be—if it's meaningful to you and offered in a heartfelt way, it will have an effect.

Research has shown that there is wonderful healing power in prayer. It can cure physical illness and heal emotional dis-ease; it shifts the heart centre back to its natural state of love, joy and compassion; and it can be as valid a healing tool as drugs or surgery.

Take some time to identify a meaningful prayer you can use in your own life. While you can certainly use a learned prayer from childhood or a passage from scripture, you can also use a poem, song or simple phrase. You can even speak your own words from the heart—whatever feels right for you. If you need a little guidance, you might try "Serenity Prayers" by June Cotner. It is a wonderful collection of poems, prayers and prose for everyday life.

Duke Ellington once commented that "Everyone prays in their own language, and there is no language that God does not understand." Don't overthink the prayer you choose—put your heart into it and you can't go wrong.

A Grateful Heart

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
– melody beattie

If you don’t already, begin the practice of taking time to reflect on how grateful you are for all that that you have. It might sound cliché, but I can tell you from personal experience that this practice will make a huge difference in your outlook and approach to how you live and parent. Sarah Ban Breathnach's bestselling book, "Simple Abundance" is a great place to start if you have doubts on where and how to begin your gratitude practice.

P.S. Reflecting and thanking is an excellent practice to start with your children as well. Have them pick out a special notebook or journal and spend a few minutes together at bedtime writing down the things they are thankful for. It’s an invaluable lesson that will serve them well throughout their lives.

The Power of Girl Time

Shelley E. Taylor, a renowned UCLA psychologist in the area of stress and health, has done some fascinating research showing that women have a built-in mechanism (a "neurocircuitry") that lowers stress and comforts the people around them.

Studies show that the more time someone spends with a woman, the less lonely he or she is; that women significantly increase the life expectancy of their husbands; and that simply being in a woman's presence lowers blood pressure and stress hormones. In short, time spent with women is good for our physical and emotional well-being.

Take time in your life to create ties with other women. Join a Mom's group in your community, spend regular time with a close friend(s), call your Mom or your sister. As women, we provide each other with comfort, laughter, nurturance and joy. So whatever kind of social connection feels right for you, just do it. It will be an instant boost to your physical and emotional state of being.

From Doing to Being

When you wake up in the morning, don’t ask yourself “What do I need to DO today?” Instead, ask “How do I want to BE today?” At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you did as much as how much love and care you put into it.

An Irish Blessing from poet, philosopher and mystic John O’Donohue

May the light of your soul guide you.
May the light of your soul bless the work
You do with the secret love and warmth of your heart.
May you see in what you do the beauty of your own soul.
May the sacredness of your work bring healing, light and renewal to those
Who work with you and to those who see and receive your work.
May your work never weary you.
May it release within you wellsprings of refreshment, inspiration and excitement.
May you be present in what you do.
May you never become lost in the bland absences.
May the day never burden you.
May dawn find you awake and alert, approaching your new day with dreams,
Possibilities and promises.
May evening find you gracious and fulfilled.
May you go into the night blessed, sheltered and protected.
May your soul calm, console and renew you.

Spring is Here … Get Inspired!

Nothing touches the heart like inspiration—those moments that capture our imagination and fuel our sense of purpose and meaning. Unfortunately, in our hectic lives inspirational moments tend to be few and far between for most of us. The good news is you don't have to look very far to find them...

Pick up any great work of art—literature, paintings, poetry, music—and inspiration abounds. Read the story of someone who has dedicated their life work for the benefit of others, Mother Teresa or John Wood for example, and you can't help but be inspired. Or simply spend some time with your little ones and be inspired by their carefree spirits and their trust in life.

There is no shortage of inspirational supply...if you take the time to stop and look for it.

When we are inspired, we step outside of the rational, logical, judgmental mind we spend so much of our time in and we step into a way of being that is joyful, purposeful, and creative—the natural state we are called to be in.